By the fullness of Your House
It is rather a challenge to put my thoughts together this evening. Maybe it is because I am tired, and the weariness of daily-activities (or procrastination of them) have been eating at me a bit these past few days. The feeling that you're in a transitory stage, a section of your life you are desperate to get done with and move onto the next phase of life's journey, and feeling trapped in the tedium of your present duties. . . that pretty much sums up my emotions right now.
And sometimes, it is so easy to escape.
So much easier to drown yourself in the frivilous-time-eating stuff, movies, internet, social media, chatter, noise, busy-life-activities, and 'wholesome nonesense' than to take stock of your duties, be responsible and get the job done, no matter if it is a rather messy one, or you are bored by it, and feel alone. But God honours a faithful worker - being perseverant about our present duties and calling. The two words I have felt this year were most a challenge for me were "thankfulness" and "faithfulness". In other words, I must jolly well rejoice in all things, and must faithfully persevere at being thankful and faithful. The job will not get done, the mountain will not be overcome, unless this or that tiny, irritating thing, and this little insignificant task which I feel like postponing GETS DONE!
In theses "insignificant" things, I speak of my schooling, my music training, my writing and literary self-education and in my family life and tasks at hand. But they are so very important to me, and I struggle and worry and cry and fail and get it all wrong. And yet the Lord knows, He loves and cares. . . and I am so happy and thankful in spite of my feelings of how much I lack and am needy and can't go on. Because the Lord is with me. And also, there is joy and interest and lots of fun to this stage of life - much to treasure and learn and soak up in - things I do not want to miss, or let pass. I want to redeem the time, treasure it and thank God for every blessing and experience I am in.
It seemed much easier in the first half of the year though - now we are a few days away from being half-way-done with 2014 (*gasps*), and the climb, the effort is ever so much more challenging. And my cry is, Lord, please help me. I can't do it by myself. Be there with me and help me thank you and glorify your name in the good and in the hard, in the exciting times, and in the difficult-up-hill-enchanted-meadow times. Give me the perseverance and strength! Without you I can do nothing. I am a barren fruit. Come in, dear Lord, and wash me with Your precious blood; let me drink from the fountain of life, and rejoice in Your constant Presence by my side and in your faithfulness.
"How precious is your lovingkindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
They are abundantly satisfied by the fullness of Your house,
And you give them drink from the river of Your pleasures
For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light."
- Psalm 36: 7-9